The Talking Monkey
by misti4492
Summary: After a night of heavy drinking led to the destruction of the town tavern, Leon searches to reprimand Gwaine. Instead, he finds Merlin busy polishing armor while a monkey angrily watched. Leon couldn't help but question where Merlin managed to find the monkey.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin**

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He was going to kill Gwaine. That was all Leon can think of as he combed the castle looking for the mischievous knight. The previous night, Gwaine had managed to drink himself stupid and wager a bag of gold that he can take down 10 men with both arms tied which resulted in an all-out brawl between Gwaine and said men that destroyed half the tavern. Now, with Gwaine missing and Arthur busy with his duties as king, it fell upon Leon to deal with the angry owner of the tavern who demanded that the alcoholic knight repay the damage he has caused. Leon is going to kill Gwaine… if he can be found that is. Gwaine seemed to have a talent of disappearing the moment he was in trouble, a talent that led Leon searching high and low throughout the castle for the knight before finding himself entering the armory where he stumbled upon another familiar face, one that may have information on the whereabouts of the wayward knight. Merlin was kneeling on the floor polishing Arthur's armor, a goofy grin strangely stretch across his face as if he enjoyed the task at hand. If there was one thing Leon knew about Merlin, it was that Merlin did not enjoy doing Arthur chores which meant the servant maybe hiding a certain knight from trouble.

"Merlin, it's weird seeing you enjoying your job. Tell me, you wouldn't happen to know where I can find Gwaine. He caused a lot of trouble at the tavern and I need to…" Leon trailed off as he noticed for the first time that they were not alone in the room. Across the room from Merlin, on top of a rack of swords, sat a small monkey with its black tail wrapped around the hilt of a sword for balance while its white face was facing in Merlin direction. If Leon hadn't know better, he would believe the monkey was sulking, hunched over the way he was, as he was seemingly glaring daggers at the manservant who at that moment looked up to acknowledge Leon. Forgetting Gwaine and with genuine curiosity, Leon turned back to Merlin, "Why is there a monkey in the armory?"

"Monkey? What monkey?"

Leon raised his eyebrows.

"Oh yea that monkey, yeah I forgot he was there for a moment sorry about that. You see funny stories about monkeys and how they get in places they shouldn't."

"Did you bring him in here? Where in all of Camelot did you even find this monkey?"

"Hmm well like I said funny stories really, about monkeys, this one just wondered in here earlier and I figure he seemed harmless so I let him umm be in here?"

"You're a terrible liar Merlin, and, to be honest, I'm curious on how you managed to actually find a monkey in the first place."

"Ok fine, I'll tell you the truth because I could just lie and say this monkey was from the future, but that's just ridiculous. That isn't just a monkey, that's actually Gwaine. I was in here, minding my own business, polishing the armor and sharpening swords, and I felt as if I needed a break so I let the secret magic I possess to do the work for me. Seriously a lot easier to do than manually, we should really unban magic then we can probably give all the servants some vacation days and I would actually be able to enjoy my life in magical bliss instead of Camelot's secret warlock. Anyhow back to the monkey, where was I, oh yea I was using my secret magic that I guess isn't secret anymore now that I'm telling you, but well I was doing my job when Gwaine came stumbling in like a maniac saying something about how he needed a place to hide and I was his friend and thus obligated to hide him away from someone, who I can only assume he meant you, when he noticed all this armor and weapons moving around on their own doing my work for me. So he found out about my magic and began pestering me about. No, no not that I betrayed him, no he couldn't care less, but about the extent of my magic. He started this horrid game of asking my poor self 'Can you' questions. I mean he would not shut up. Arthur says I'm always rambling but man when Gwaine has questions, he has a lot. So I enchanted him to shut up. Well…. I tried to shut him up, but my spell didn't work the way I wanted it to, that's what I get for creating my own enchantments, but at least I got the result I wanted which was to shut up Gwaine and his bottomless supply of questions. But yeah I accidentally turned him into a monkey, a talking monkey, and kind of an ugly sucker for a talking monkey if you ask me. I did say talking right? Yup he is a talking monkey, completely opposite of what I wanted but oh well he won't talk because he can only say 'fic-''

"Merlin!" interrupted Leon, exasperated, "Enough! I get it, you don't know where Gwaine is, or where that monkey came from, and you have a lot to work to do. Sorry for disturbing you, I'll let you to your work and look for Gwaine elsewhere, bye." Leon, now with a throbbing headache, fled the room before Merlin can continue his rambling. Even if Merlin was actually hiding Gwaine in the armory, Leon would rather wait until the knights had to go for training to confront him rather than stay in the armory and suffer Merlin's chattering. As creative and amusing as Merlin's ridiculous tales could get, Leon just cannot deal with any more nonsense in one day and he would just have to yell at Gwaine another time.

Back in the Armory, Merlin set aside the armor and walked over to the monkey, meeting the monkey's glare in amusement.

"See Gwaine, I did just as a friend would do and hide you from trouble. You should thank me really because Leon seemed to be looking for blood there. Honestly, why you find a need to destroy half the tavern is beyond me!" Merlin laughed.

The monkey, Gwaine, narrowed his eyes in annoyance.

"Let me answer another one of your questions I bet you are just dying to know. Yes Gwaine, I can change you back, even though it was an accident that I turned you into a monkey in the first place. But before I do, you need to do me a favor."

Gwaine nodded.

"So you will do this one thing for me before I turn you back?"

Gwiane gave another curt nod.

"You will do what I say to be turned back and if you don't do it, you will accept that I won't turn you back?"

Gwaine nodded again, his head bobble up and down so fiercely that he momentarily lost balance on the rack.

"Ok then, Gwaine, this is what you have to do for me to change you back. You have to ask me, 'Can you please change me back'"

Gwaine froze before his face scrunched up in anger as he took a deep breath and shriek, "FICUS!"

Merlin laughed, "I said 'Can you please change me back' not say 'ficus'. Come on Gwaine, it's so simple! Just ask me to change you back!"

"FICUS, FICUS FICUS FICUS FICUS FICUS, FICUS! FICUS FICUS FICUS FICUS!" continued Gwaine, desperate to say the words.

"Well Gwaine, I guess you want to be a monkey, I gave you a chance but all you seem to want is something called a ficus. Oh well, I'll see you later. Let me know when you want to be changed back," Merlin chuckled as he left the armory while Gwaine followed behind still screeching.

Later at night, Gaius returned from his rounds around the lower town when he heard muffled laughter coming from his ward's room. When he checked to see what was going on, he found Gwaine snickering as he empty the contents of a bucket over Merlin's bed. Gaius gave a small cough, effectively catching the knight's attention.

"What are you doing in here?" question Gaius

"Ficu-"Gwaine cleared his throat, "I was just returning the favor." With that, Gwiane bolted from the room before Gaius can ask him any more questions.

Turning to the bed, Gaius saw that Gwaine had managed to cover his ward's bed in mud, worms, and whatever else he could find from the forest floor. Gaius gave a small sigh before he left the room and began to make dinner for his unsuspecting ward. Sometimes it's best to leave some questions unanswered.

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**AN: I go this idea from when I was watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. I thought the line was hilarious and couldn't help but imagine if someone from Merlin was the actual monkey. To me, no one fit the role more than Gwaine, and the idea of someone like Gwaine as a monkey that was only able to say "ficus" was just too amusing to let go.**

**This is my first Merlin fan fic I have ever tried, I hope none of the characters were too OOC.  
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**Reviews are welcome and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin**

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Gwaine stood glaring at an offending object before him. He had just managed to stumble back from the newly refurbished tavern that morning, nursing a throbbing headache and attempting not to empty the contents of his stomach. He looked forward to returning to his room in the knight's quarters and curl up in his bed to sleep his hangover away, conveniently forgetting the morning training Arthur had planned that day. What he hadn't planned on was a strange small tree growing in the center of his bed, its roots penetrating through the blanket, mattress, pillow, right down to the wooden frame. The tree trunk grew thin and straight topped with small branches with bushy leaves. Barely reaching past Gwaine chest, the simplicity and neatness of the tree feign innocence. Never has Gwaine seen something so inexplicably evil. If anyone wanted evidence of the evil nature of magic, all he would need to do is direct them to the offending tree. There was no possible way for it to exist unless by magic, at least not in this particular fashion. If there was one thing Gwaine knew it was that there was only one sorcerer present inside Camelot's walls.

Merlin.

After the whole monkey incident, Gwaine felt justify in dumping several buckets full of forest floor on the warlock's bed. He figured they would just call it even and get on with their merry friendship as before, with a bond made stronger through shared secrets. But no, apparently Gwaine was wrong, Merlin didn't care about his friendship, al he cares for is having the last laugh. Well if it was war Merlin wants its war Merlin gets. Gwaine is just going to have to figure out a way to surprise the unsuspecting warlock…

All of a sudden someone cleared his throat, going out of his way to be as loud as he possibly can when clearing his throat. Gwaine spun around and was face to face with the very same warlock that had caused the most recent abomination. Merlin stood just at the doorway of the room wearing his usual outfit right down to the bright red neckerchief upon his neck and a lopsided grin spread wide while his eyes watched the knight in amusement.

"Merlin," Gwaine muttered, his headache seemed to have worsened at the appearance of the servant, "what the hell is this?"

"Oh Gwaine, don't you know a tree when you see one?"

"No, why the hell is there a tree in my bed!" Gwaine's voice shook in irritation and anger, glaring at the warlock before shifting his eyes to stare down the tree. To his annoyance, Merlin merely laughed.

"Well don't look at me, you were the one yelling at me for one the other day, I figured I'll humor you this time around and get you one."

"Since when did I ask you to grow a tree in my bed?" Gwaine asked in confusion, stopping for a moment to think of the last couple of days when he could have asked such an odd request.

"Don't you know what kind of tree this is?" Merlin smirked, his eyes shining in amusement as his questions had completely diverted Gwaine from his anger.

"Why should that matter? All I want to do is get some rest and this tree is -"

"Because it's a ficus tree."

Gwaine stopped midsentence at Merlin's answer, his jaw drop and mouth forming a small "O" as his mind began to process what he had heard. So that's a ficus…

"MERLIN, I SWEAR UPON EVERY DROP OF ALE IN EXISTANCE, GET THAT TREE OFF MY BED BEFORE I SNAP IT OFF MYSELF AND BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH IT!" Gwaine shouted red in anger, grabbing the front of Merlin shirt and pulling him face to face. The quick movement had jarred his head and his stomach was roiling but all Gwaine wanted to do was somehow wipe the smug look off the warlock's face.

Merlin swatted Gwaine's hands off him before stepping around him to the direction of the bed. He paused briefly right next to Gwaine, turned and yelled in as loud as he can directly into the knight's ear, "Okay!"

Gwaine flinched as the shout pierced through his throbbing head, and he began to rub his temple, eyes scrunched up in pain, as he muttered his annoyances against all things magic. Before him, Merlin was quick to get rid of the greenery from the bed with a flick of his wrist and a few choice words; the only thing that remained on the bed was a single fig.

"See Gwaine, you never learn do you? Don't you realize you should never annoy a warlock or dump the forest floor upon his bed? I mean it can only end in tears for you." Merlin retrieved the small fruit and, with a wave of his hand, he left the still aggravated, ill knight in his room bouncing the fig upon his other hand.

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"You know this is entirely your fault," Merlin reminded him for the twentieth time already, "you really had to pull me into another mess." Merlin flinched for a moment as another rotten tomato flew towards his face, smashing into the side of his head and juices spilled down unto his shirt. Next to him was Gwaine who, like him, had both their arms and heads locked into the wooden stocks as they twisted and turned in a futile attempt of dodging the oncoming projectiles. In front of them children and adults alike laughed in joy as they continued their onslaught at the punished and shamed duo.

"How was I supposed to know it wasn't another one of you magic tricks," Gwaine retorted, keeping his voice low as to prevent anyone from over hearing his words.

"You couldn't just accept that the feast's entertainment was a travelling animal tamer who just happened to own a dancing monkey? Did you really have to go around screaming and chasing after the poor man, shouting some kind of nonsense of how it was I in disguise to taunt you in public by having a monkey perform silly tricks? Why Arthur thought to send me to the stocks as well even though it was I who was the one trying to stop you from making more of a mockery of yourself."

"You could have easily done that," Gwaine muttered, his face flushed in embarrassment as he thought back to the previous night. He was sure not many present would forget the spectacle of a Camelot knight being chased after by a servant while also chasing a visiting animal tamer, succeeding in frightening the monkey into a frenzy and began to terrorize the guests. At least no one was injured in the process. Gwaine glanced to the servant at his side and as their eyes met for a moment, they both burst into laughter, which was quickly interrupted by more flying vegetables.

"Truce?" Gwaine asked.

"Nope, just admit defeat."

Gwaine gave a sigh as he nodded in agreement. He could not help but accept that Merlin had pulled one over him the past week since he discovered the magic. "Fine, fine, you win this time." For now, he would have to lie low and plan his next attack against the warlock. Magic cannot protect him forever, and even if it takes years, even if it was childish, Gwaine will make sure he will have his revenge on the warlock… somehow.

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**AN: So I wasn't really planning on making another chapter one for this, had other ideas for stories, but here it is anyways. Long week and next week would be even longer, so I probably shouldn't have spent that last couple of hours typing this up. Oh well... *shrug***

**I like the idea of Merlin constantly messing with Gwaine and Gwaine trying and failing to return the favor. I couldn't help but think of a way that Merlin could have annoyed the poor knight (there was only so long I would pay attention in lecture before zoning out completely xD). So that's how this little chapter came into existence.  
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**Thanks to all those who favorited this story! I appreciate that there are people who enjoyed my little story. Also in response to reviewers:  
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**Laughy-Taffy the Grape: Thanks for the review and I had to wonder the same thing about them knowing what a monkey was and even if they knew what a ficus was too. So I did google it later and found out according to some random site that there were entertainers who used animals in their performances. I figured I can use that as an excuse for why they would know what a monkey was in the first place. The ficus on the other hand... just too lazy to look it up xD  
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**Fearlee: Thanks! I had a fun time writing that too. As I said before, Gwaine was definitely a perfect choice among the knights to be a monkey ^^  
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**This will most likely be the last chapter for this story. If I have time and an idea for more I will write it, but as far as I know there won't be another chapter.  
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**And of course more reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!  
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